Ed Delph: Retirement options to consider whether young or old

By: 
ED DELPH, Church Community Connection

Where will you retire when you retire? Most of you may not be concerned about this right now. You are young. You are middle-aged. But, someday you will be as old as I am (sigh). My ‘ed-vice’ is think about it now. Here are some options in United States cities you can retire in.

You could live in Phoenix where: 1. You are willing to park three blocks away because you found shade. 2. You’ve experienced condensation on your posterior from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive four hours in one direction and never leave town. 4. You have more than 100 recipes for enchiladas. 5. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot and are you kidding me?!

Or, you can live in Los Angeles where: 1. You make more than $250,000 a year but still can’t afford to buy a house. 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 6. The four seasons are: fire, flood, mud and drought.

Or, consider living in New York City where: 1. You say, “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park but can’t find Wisconsin on a map. 3. You think Central Park is “nature.” 4. You’ve worn out a car horn. (if you even have a car) 5. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

Or, live in Wisconsin where: 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 2. All Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 3. You have more than one recipe for moose. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.

Or, you can live in the deep South where: 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural. 4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc. 5. Everything is either “n yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder.”

Or, how about Colorado where: 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

Or, consider Florida where: 1. You eat “dinner” at 3:15 p.m. in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind, even houses and cars. 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

No matter where you live in retirement, there will be challenges. It’s so we will appreciate our final retirement place and home.

Jesus told His disciples and tells us, “In My Father’s house are many dwelling places … I go to prepare a place for you … and I will come back to get you.” John 14:2-3 parts. Heaven will be heavenly. Finally, we can live in the place all humans were designed by God to live in.

The streets are paved with gold, so no more road construction delays and detours. You have your own place, paid in full. There’s no bad view or property taxes. You will never drive the morning commute again. There will be no Kleenex because there is no more crying. And no more pain pills. No more jails, disease, pain or hospitals because there’s no sin in heaven. You will never go through a TSA line again.

And if you live in Metro-Phoenix, you won’t have another summer to live through. That’s “Home Sweet Home.” There’s a place for you if you make a place for Jesus, the Mansion Builder, in your heart. He’s leaving the welcome mat out for you.

To learn more about Pastor Ed Delph, the Church-Community Connection and Nation strategy, call 623-376-6757, e-mail nationstrategy@cs.com, or log on www.nationstrategy.com.

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